Episode Review: True Blood 2×05: Hard-Hearted Hannah

Decked out in matching fluffy robes, Bill and Sookie meet with Godric’s friend Isabel and her human lover Hugo, who have a proposition for the pair. Hugo will accompany Sookie to the church of undead-haters. Later, Sookie and Hugo get glammed-up for anti-vamp church. Hugo tells Sookie his not-so-secret desire to be made vampire—it beats getting wrinkles, right?

Meanwhile, Bill’s old flame and maker, Lorena, arrives in Dallas at Eric’s invitation. Eric wants Bill out of the way so he can claim Sookie for … something. All penetrating eyes and, well, teeth, Mr. Skarsgard is really demonstrating his acting chops this season.  Eric conveys a very real sense of desperation, just tinged with red-eyed madness, and you imagine there’s little he wouldn’t do to achieve his goals.

Lover Lorena leads us through a series of flashbacks over the course of the episode. Apparently Bill and Lorena were singing swingers back in prohibition days. They share a couple over-curious flappers and make out amidst the bloody remains in a darkly disturbing boudoir scene. Might Bill revert to more bloodthirsty ways with the arrival of Lorena? And does this viciousness suggest what vamp-lovers Sookie and Hoyt might have in store?

Back in Bon Temp, Tara’s new “friends” settle into Sookie’s for the long haul. Tempers run hot and the shower doesn’t. “Without a hot shower in the morning, I have no tolerance for sarcasm,” Maryann complains. Tara and Eggs take a ride to the middle of nowhere in search of plumbing repairs. Eggs leads Tara through the woods and to the sight of a slaughter. Disturbed, they head back to the house where Tara at last witnesses Maryann’s writhing, orgy-inducing ways. It’s encouraging that Tara has finally discovered the truth about her frienemy. However, we still have little to no knowledge of Maryann’s end-goal. Please, True Blood, tell us where this strange storyline is going!

In Texas, Mr. and Mrs. Cult-Religion instruct Jason and Luke to build a platform for a vampire execution, Jesus-style. Later, Jason starts to confess to Luke his extramarital bath activities with Sarah, but Luke interrupts with a sermon on sex and sin. Three years sex free, Luke attempts to persuade Jason to try out his life of chastity. “Jason Stackhouse, abstinent?” Yeah, we don’t buy it, either. More on that later …

At Merlotte’s, Andy interrogates Lafayette regarding his strange vanishing act. A tortured Lafayette flashes back to his undead imprisonment, imagining Eric screaming at him in Andy’s place. (More props to Skarsgard for imitating one of Louisiana’s finest!) After, sad barman Terry Bellefleur has a lovely moment of comforting Lafayette in the kitchen. Later that night, Andy drives home … and almost runs down a dog and a pig frolicking in the road. “I know that pig,” Andy exclaims before running off into the night. It turns out the dog is Sam, and the pig is none other than Daphne. If Daphne has been posing as the Bon Temp pig, what does that say re her connection with Maryann? She cleverly shuts down Sam’s questioning with her, uh, quick tongue … and then leads Sam straight into Maryann’s clutches. Will he be the next sacrifice at the Big Southern Orgy?

At Merlotte’s, Hoyt tells his mother the truth about new girlfriend, Jessica—she’s lacking both the good manners not to call after midnight and a pulse.  Unsurprisingly, Mom doesn’t approve. Later, Hoyt pays Jessica a surprise visit in Dallas, complete with wilted flowers fresh from Bon Temp. Can we say awww? And also: gulp. Hopefully Hoyt isn’t gonna end up lunch.

At church, Sookie shares her thoughts on, well, everything with Steve and Sarah.  But the tour turns ugly when the holy duo ID Sookie as not-a-Christian. Hearing their thoughts, she attempts to escape but winds up being taken hostage. Sarah watches in sympathy as Sookie is dragged down to the dungeon. Later, a regretful Sarah makes a startling confession to Jason: Pastor Steve is attempting to start a war between the humans and vamps. Sarah’s solution? Church sex with Jason, obviously. So much for erotic abstinence, Jason …

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